How To Stay Focussed On The Golf Course
By: Gail Smirthwaite


When we are born we enter this world without fear and full of hope and innocence. What then happens as we grow is that our minds are filled with the rules and beliefs of others - parents, our friends, teachers and so on.

This is the way we learned our beliefs through childhood. We are basically the sum total of what others think.

What we perceive as right or wrong, good or bad, what is acceptable and what is not has all been programmed into us by others. Is it little wonder that so few of us do not have a strong sense of ‘self’.

Golf is a truly amazing game because for you to excel, that is precisely what you need.

What happens though, is if we are not careful we become victims of other people’s opinions. Is it little wonder that whilst we have been growing up, that listening to others has become an acceptable way to learn. The difference is when we are children although we have the opportunity to choose what we want to believe we just simply believe everything an adult tells us.

As adults, however, it is a completely different story. We do have the choice not to listen to others, but after a lifetime of taking in information this way we have lost the ability to trust our own feelings, thoughts and reactions.

We train our children much like we would train a pet dog. We use a system of punishment and reward. If you are a good boy or girl you received praise and good things, if you were bad then you were punished. This is how we learn to ‘people please’ as we quickly understand that the rewards are far more enjoyable than the punishment.

The rewards would take the form of getting positive attention and the punishment would most certainly include some form of rejection. Rejection is the NUMBER ONE fear of human beings. It has been so successfully used in our formative years that it is difficult to break the beliefs that have set us up for a lifetime of pleasing others.

We understand that if we go against these ‘rules’, then we suffer. Unfortunately, by the time we are able to take back the control in our lives and decide for ourselves what rules we want to live by we have been programmed into a certain way of thinking and behaving.

How important someone else’s opinion is to you will directly affect your self-esteem and confidence. By giving someone else the POWER to build you up or knock you down with a single comment, opens you up to a lifetime of low self-esteem and poor confidence.

This is never more true than on a Golf Course. You have the choice to allow someone else to affect your mood and how you feel about yourself.

So what can you do about it?

It’s up to you to catch yourself when someone has made a negative comment that could potentially change your mood. Ask yourself whose opinion matters the most, ‘how you feel about yourself or what Derek may or may not think!’

The first step is to NOT TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY!

This is a new skill, so please do not be too hard on yourself. It takes time to stop reacting the way you always have done. It is up to you to make a conscious decision that you want to change how you feel about yourself and then to take the steps to do something about it.

The only person you can CONTROL in this process is YOU! If someone makes some comment that is not out of care and respect for you and could potentially make you feel bad about yourself – it says more about THEM than it does about YOU.

Maybe they are having a bad game and indirectly they are having a go at their own abilities. Whatever the intention it is not up to you to analyse it. This is time consuming and based on ASSUMPTIONS! We all know what can happen when we make assumptions. This type of behaviour will do nothing to help you build up your self-esteem and work on your own confidence and above all else it will take your mind AWAY from the task in hand. Staying focused on playing a great shot.

Also remember when you are standing on the first tee, I assure you the golfers around you are worrying about their first tee shot as much if not more than you. We humans tend to get wrapped up in our own ‘personal importance’ far too much. This is the greatest expression of selfishness as we feel that everything is about ‘me’.

It may come as a shock to you but those watching you tee off are living their own ‘personal importance’ nightmares. Comments from them about you are only highlighting their own fears and beliefs and are not a personal attack on you!

If you start to take on everyone else’s emotional garbage then it will become yours. You will then be stuck in a cycle of personal self-talk that will try and support what you think they should believe. Whilst you are trying to control what others are thinking and believing (incidentally YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO DO THIS!) you have once more given away your control. Your need to be right and to change the minds of others will create one more nail in your coffin of low personal self-esteem.

In the same way, as what you say and do to others is a reflection of your personal rules or beliefs, these have nothing to do with anyone but yourself.

REMEMBER: It is not important what someone else thinks of you – it is important what you think of you. If you know WHO you are and WHAT you want, then WHAT someone else thinks about you does not matter. If you remove the need to be accepted your self-esteem and confidence will soar.

TIP: The next time some says or does anything that offends you say to yourself –

‘I am not going to take this personally. Whatever you think about me is your problem. It is based on your own personal rules and beliefs that are not mine, which is absolutely fine. I know that with that comment or action you are dealing with your own fears about yourself. Nothing you think or do is about ME it is about YOU!

It is time to make 2009 the year that you are going to take responsibility for your own personal growth, to support and encourage your own self-esteem, and to create the confident, successful golfer and person that is within you.



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